True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
