um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
