I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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