Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
