In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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