you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
