Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
