Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
