Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
