i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
