He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize