I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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