i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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