I can text with my tongue
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
How naked do you want me to be?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
