honey bunches of taint.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
