Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
