I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
