I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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