Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
