Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
