so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
