the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
