just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Cover your peen. We're going out.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
