He is such a slut. More and more my type.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
