After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
