Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
