I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
