Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
