This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
