If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
