im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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