can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
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