the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
