So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
