the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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