Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
