I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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