Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
