OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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