A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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