I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
