The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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