PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
