I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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