oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
