Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize