genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
