Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
