# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
