I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
