i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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