You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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