Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
