The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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