Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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