I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
