today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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