She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
