I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
