Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
