Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
