He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
