It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
