from now on my penis is your penis
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
