He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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