I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
