i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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