Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
