Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
