just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
