I didn't shave. On purpose
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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