I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
